I’m still standing yeah yeah yeah!!!!! 

As I lay here in my hospital bed for the umpteenth time!!!!  I was here just under a month ago with an infection in my left breast. No before anyone thinks it, my diddy isn’t going to fall off me either. 🤣 lol

I am seriously considering chopping them both off now, at this rate!!!! 😉  I seem to be dragged back and fourth to this place. 😣😣😣  So I knew the drill, once the pain started again, I packed my bag and headed in the direction of RTE 😂 got myself hooked up to IV antibiotics straight away then well straight away would be a lie It took about 6 hours. 

I know I need to work harder to clear it and build my immunity back up again. I literally have a pain in my tit lol with hospital visits and stay overs at times. It is tough been away from Hannah and Doyler. But it’s also good for me to get much needed head space as I do get to gather my thoughts. I don’t get a proper rest at home, my life is quite hectic,  especially with my crazy daisy of a daughter Hannah, she will be 3 in August 😊 time flies !! 3 years ago now since my original diagnosis coming up in August. So you can imagine fighting to stay healthy and strong for her is a task at times. You need your game face on 24/7 😂😂

Most days she has me run ragged, but that is the joys of parenting and the terrible two’s. 😂😂😂 I wouldn’t change her/it for the world let the good times roll. 😊 I truly am blessed.

I know I  haven’t posted in a while here, October’s would have been my last one.  I kinda of went off the radar to try focus on keeping myself well and to fight as darn best as I bloody well could!!!

So a little catch up is needed and long over due, so I will continue on from where I left of. I will write more posts from now on, I promise.  I have been feeling physically and mentally drained ,sometimes I can’t even look at a computer to even type. Even though I am always trying to be reading And researching more, I need to stay ahead of the doctors and on top of my game plan.  I haven’t been fecking sleeping great these last few months, so I have a few draft blogs done, so I just need to do ole spell check or two and bobs your uncle 😁 I’ll publish them.

From going strong, I was getting 30 percent shrinkage after 4 months from diagnosis plucking away at everything I was doing. I Was determined to succeed and still am very much so. IN IT TO WIN IT !!!!!!

I just kept hitting wall after wall, we just kept coming up against it time and time again. From the cancer spreading To different areas in my bone of my hips /pelvis getting worse, and then, my skull, Hannah been sick numerous times. I mean like you wouldn’t believe me how many times Hannah was sick in the space of them 4 months.  To say that it hasn’t been easy is an understatement. I’ve been kicking ,screaming, laughing and learning to cry and to let it all out.  It’s been like knocking down the bloody Berlin wall this last year. My mind is like a mental sledge Hammer !!!!! 

I don’t know how I was still standing at times but I was and still fecking am Go me 😁😁 !!!!

Well standing wouldn’t be the best word because my gammy leg I had from extensive bone cancer in my hip/pelvis,  I had little limp going on and needed to use my crutch. I couldn’t walk the full length of the seafront without extreme pain. It was disheartening where I got to the stage I couldn’t bring my daughter Hannah out to have some fun because I was too tired, from treatment or my hips and bones were at me with pain. Mentally it’s the hardest thing to hand It over,and I don’t like resting, but I had to learn to sleep when I could. This time my battle is so much more different to the 1st time.

We were told the shrinkage I had was back up again where it was at the start, all that fight for Fucking nothing, It was literally a kick in the teeth.  So naturally I needed a blow out and to let off some steam. So me and some of my amazing gal pals booked flights to   Amsterdam home of the green sure where else would you be going when your diagnosed with the Big C !! I needed let the hair down ( well wig off as I shaved my head a few days before I went as the thinning out had me looking like I had the mange ). I had to try enjoy myself and forget about the norm for even just the weekend.

There is always hope, we have to have hope in our heart, sure how else would we believe in ourselves.

Namaste my fellow readers 

💜💜💜💜